Saturday, November 14, 2015


This week has been full of running here and there and doctors appointments. Since I have a myriad of health issues this means multiple doctors, so I end up with more check ups than the average duck. Typically these appointments are all taken in stride, poke, prod, touch my nose and toes, blood pressure, heart check up, and finally go over the fact that after 16 years no miracle has happened and I still do in fact have all the same crap. SHOCKER, every time never gets old. Fibromyalgia is a life sentence, you might have some good days but it's never going away. Why my doctors seem to run me through the same battery every so often is beyond me.

However, at this last appointment I was caught off guard, for the first time I was called OLD! I know the audacity; my brain was screaming how dare she, but for some reason my mouth just couldn't find the words to tell her off. Ok, I am 31 and fully aware that I'm not some spring chick but I thought I still fell into the chick category and not old hen. I'm just not sure when or how this happened and I'm not ok with the word old. In my little brain I still mentally feel early mid twenty something but, certainly not old. Tired yes a million times but, not OLD. 

Discussing age has suddenly made me so very aware of all the little changes that I have been so blissfully ignoring. I now see the little wrinkles when I look in the mirror, and maybe it's time to acknowledge that it's not fancy glitter growing out of my head but just gray hair. Being a person who has been dealing with so many very adult problems from such a young age I think I some how missed out. I feel kind of robed of youth and would like to find out how I get it back. I have made old lady sounds every time I get out of a chair for 16 years, so I have honestly ignored all the other changes. I have felt physically ancient for so long that I have managed to miss the chick years. I realize most of this is personality based, I am by habit a fairly boring person. Even in college I preferred to stay in and have a beer than to go out dancing (mostly because I have no rhythm and my legs shake). Today I'm just mom, totally average, and very ok with this.

As I see it, no better time for an executive decision. For now I am choosing to ignore the old comment. I am ok with my altered reality and plan to ignor the wrinkle on my forehead. I have felt old for so long that I truly see no point in letting myself believe that crap. I am as young as my brain will let me be, even if I can't always make it up the stairs. 

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